G.I. Joe + WWE = Money in the Bank

G.I. JOE

“MR. AMERICA”

Written by

Dean Johnston

Registered: WGAw

“MR. AMERICA”

FADE IN:

The old G.I. Joe theme song plays with new animation featuring the characters from this script.

MONTAGE - “G.I. JOE THE MOVIE 1987”

DUKE
You’re dangerously close to
insubordination, Mr.!

FALCON
And you’re over the line on military
protocol! I’m an officer and I’m
pulling rank!

DUKE
Hold it right there! The only thing
you’re pulling is guard duty, until
I say otherwise.

HAWK
Falcon, take a good look at what
your irresponsibility cost us,
because you deserted your post!
An enemy force was able to penetrate
security, free SERPENTOR, and injure
three good men! You’re confined to
quarters until court-martial. Get
him out of my sight.

JINX is in shock.

DUKE
I just know underneath it all there’s
a Joe worth saving. Falcon is my
half-brother.

HAWK
Falcon, you’re going to learn what it
means to be a Joe even if it kills
you. I’m sending you to the
Slaughterhouse!

COBRA COMMANDER
No, no, not the spores! I’m a
citizen of Cobra-La. Not the spores!
(rips shirt)

SERPENTOR
(fires cannon)
Cobra La, La, La, La, La, La, La!
2.

DUKE
(runs)
Falcon!

SERPENTOR
You, young one. You nearly thwarted
my destiny!

FALCON
Duke!

SERPENTOR
(throws cobra)
Die, arrogant Earth scum!

DUKE
(bit by cobra)
No!

FALCON
Duke?

SERPENTOR
He took the snake venom for your
heart. But his sacrifice will be
in vain. This I command!

DUKE
Promise me you’ll try to get your
act together. Be a credit to your
country.

FALCON
I’ll make you proud. You’ll see.

DUKE
Yo Joe.
(goes into coma)

COBRA COMMANDER
(as snake)
Was a man. Yes!

Serpentor’s cobra is choking Falcon.

SERPENTOR
Cobra Commander, no!

FALCON
(to Golobulus)
You’re next, whoever you are.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Don’t give up!

3.

Falcon deactivates the B.E.T.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
You can fry those spores in space.

Cobra-La explodes.

FALCON
Thanks big brother. Let’s go.

INT./EXT. FANCY RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Falcon is sitting down at a table with HEATHER, who he doesn’t know is really ZARANA.

HEATHER
Oh, wow, Falcon! Your story was
just incredible. I can’t believe
that I’m out on a date right now
with the G.I. Joe who just saved
the world!

FALCON
And single handedly took on Serpentor
and some snake man, all at the same
time as finishing off Cobra once and
for all. We’re not called G.I. Joes
for nothing.

HEATHER
How do you know though that Cobra’s
really gone?

FALCON
When the B.E.T. exploded, there’s no
way those Cobra’s could’ve survived.
That’s why I decided to retire from
G.I. Joe. I’ve given my country my
all, and it’s time for me to sit
back and relax and enjoy life with
the ones I enjoy having around me
the most.

HEATHER
You’re the best, Falcon. I’m glad
that we finally can spend some time
together now that you’re not busy
fighting Cobra all the time.

The Waiter brings their food.

WAITER
Can I get you anything else, sir?

4.

FALCON
Just some peace and quiet so I can
have some time alone with...

Falcon pauses.

HEATHER
Heather.

FALCON
Heather. Thank you.

The Waiter walks away.

HEATHER
I can’t believe it, Falcon. You
couldn’t even remember my name.
Shame on you.

FALCON
I’m sorry, Heather. When you go out
with as many girls as I do, it’s hard
to keep track of everyone’s name.
I mean, you can’t expect a guy like
me to stay faithful to one woman.

Jinx enters scene.

JINX
You can say that again. You can’t
even expect Falcon to stay faithful
to one woman a night.

FALCON
Jinx! Hi. This is... Heather.

JINX
I know, we’ve met before. But it’s
unfortunate that we must keep meeting
this way.

HEATHER
You know what, I haven’t even touched
my food. Why don’t you guys go ahead
and finish without me.

Heather gets up and whispers in Falcon’s ear.

HEATHER
You better call me.

Heather kisses Falcon and exits scene. Jinx sits down in Heather’s place.

5.

JINX
You’ll never change, will you, Falcon?

FALCON
Ah, come on, Jinx. Don’t do this to
me. I thought that we were supposed
to go out tomorrow night.

JINX
You knew that it was tonight. We’ve
only been making plans for the last
week.

FALCON
I’m sorry, Jinx. Heather’s just a
really persistent woman. Why don’t
we just eat and forget about this,
and we’ll go and see a movie
afterwards. I heard that there’s this
new one with robots that transform
into vehicles that come in at the
end of the movie that sounds good.

JINX
Forget it, Falcon. I’m not hungry
and you can transform into vapor for
all I care.

Jinx gets up and walks out.

FALCON
Jinx! Oh, great. I’ll never figure
women out.

Falcon throws a one hundred dollar bill on the table and walks out.

OUTSIDE RESTAURANT

Jinx is walking down the street and Falcon comes running up to her and grabs her arm.

FALCON
I’m sorry, Jinx!

JINX
Get your hands off me, Falcon! I’m
in the mood to hit something right
now, and if you’re the closest thing
to me, it will probably be you.

Falcon lets go of her and follows her to her car.

6.

FALCON
Then hit me if it makes you feel
better. Whatever it takes to make
it up to you.

Jinx punches Falcon in the stomach and he falls down.

FALCON
I didn’t think you would really
do it!

JINX
Well I did, and now I feel much better.

Falcon gets up. They stand and talk.

FALCON
All right then, we’re even.

JINX
Falcon, what’s happening to us?
Ever since we left the Joes, it
seems like our lives are just
going in different directions.

FALCON
Then we just need to make sure that
they stop going in different
directions. I like you, Jinx, but
I don’t know if I could ever get
used to being with one woman.

JINX
And I don’t know if I could ever get
used to all these nightmares after
fighting those monsters in Cobra-La.

FALCON
You’ll get through it. Together,
we’ll get through it. But first,
how about a ride home?

JINX
Oh, I suppose since your other date
left you and now you need a ride.

FALCON
(smiles)
Thanks, Jinx.

7.

EXT./INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - HAWK’S OFFICE - NIGHT

We see Joe Headquarters from the outside. Inside, General Hawk is sitting down at his desk, and FLINT, LADY JAYE, and BEACHHEAD are standing there. SHIPWRECK walks in with his parrot, POLLY, on his shoulder.

SHIPWRECK
Everything’s done, General Hawk.
All the Joe vehicles are repaired
and refueled. Now how about letting
Shipwreck go home like the rest of
the Joes.

POLLY
Shipwreck lazy. Doesn’t deserve to go
home with the rest of the Joes.

SHIPWRECK
Shut up, Polly, or I’ll use you to wax
the Tomahawks next time.

HAWK
Go home, Shipwreck. Take a vacation.
In fact, all of you take a vacation.
I’ll stay here at headquarters and
contact you if I need you.

BEACHHEAD
Are you sure you really want to do
that, General? You’ve already sent
most of the Joes home, and we don’t
know for sure yet that Cobra is
really buried underneath Cobra-La.

HAWK
We all need a vacation, Beachhead.
If we keep sitting around here
waiting for Cobra to strike again,
it’ll start to feel like twenty
years rather than two weeks since
we had our last battle with them.

FLINT
You know, General Hawk is right,
Beachhead. Personally, I could use
some quality time alone with Lady
Jaye for a change instead of
worrying about Cobra.

LADY JAYE
Oh, Flint.

Flint and Lady Jaye walk to the door.

8.

FLINT
We’ll be around if you need us.

LADY JAYE
Maybe.

Flint and Lady Jaye exit scene.

SHIPWRECK
Adios, General Hawk.

Shipwreck exits scene.

BEACHHEAD
So is that everybody now?

HAWK
Everybody but Duke, who is still
recovering, and LIFELINE who is
taking care of him. Sgt. Slaughter
went back to professional wrestling,
and Lt. Falcon and Jinx left the Joe
team to pursue other interests.
All the other Joes are still with us
but are on temporary leave.

BEACHHEAD
I knew that Lt. Falcon would never
make it as a G.I. Joe. The kid
just never had the desire to be like
his older brother, Duke.

HAWK
Give him credit, Beachhead. I didn’t
think he would make it either, but
if it weren’t for him and Jinx, we
might not be here right now.

EXT. CITY STREETS - NIGHT

Jinx is driving a convertible with Falcon in the passenger seat.

FALCON
Still not talking to me, Jinx?

JINX
Nope.

FALCON
All right then, I’m not going to
talk to you either.

9.

JINX
Sounds good to me.

They approach a bank and Falcon notices Heather’s car parked in front of it.

FALCON
That looks like Heather’s car.

JINX
I’m not listening to you, Falcon,
and I’m surely not going to listen
to you about Heather.

FALCON
Jinx, this is serious. Stop your
car and park in front of that bank.

Jinx parks her car in front of Heather’s car on the side of the street. Falcon and Jinx get out.

EXT./INT. BANK - NIGHT

Falcon and Jinx are looking at the car.

FALCON
I know this is Heather’s car.

JINX
Maybe she just had to make a late
night withdrawal. She probably spent
all her money on you when I wasn’t
around.

FALCON
At eleven o’clock at night?
I don’t think so.

Falcon tries to open the bank door but it’s locked.

FALCON
The door’s locked. Let’s go
around back.

INSIDE BANK

ZARTAN and his Dreadnoks, ZANDAR, BUZZER, RIPPER, TORCH, and MONKEYWRENCH, are raiding the bank’s vault. Zarana is watching, still disguised as Heather.

10.

ZARANA
Would you idiots hurry up. I kept
Falcon distracted for as long as I
could so you guys could get the job
done.

ZANDAR
We’re almost done, sister. But
surely you’re not calling your
brothers idiots.

ZARANA
No, I’m talking about the ones picking
their noses and eating donuts while
Zartan is doing all the work.

Zartan and Zandar are loading the money from the safe into bags while the other Dreadnoks are eating donuts and goofing off.

TORCH
Hey, I resent that.

RIPPER
Yeah, we don’t see you doing anything.
Who do you think you are, our shift
supervisor?

ZARANA
Correct, my work is done. Now all we
need is for you pea brains to finish
loading the bags so we can go.

ZARTAN
That’s it. Each of you fools grab
a bag and let’s get out of here.

Falcon and Jinx enter scene and see Heather’s back but don’t see the others.

FALCON
Heather! What are you doing here?

ZARANA
Not Heather.

Zarana takes off her wig and turns around.

ZARANA
Zarana!

JINX
Great. Not only did you stand me
up tonight, but you stood me up for
a female Dreadnok.
11.

FALCON
And if Zarana’s here, that can only
mean...

Zartan and the rest of the Dreadnoks jump into scene firing their lasers.

ZARTAN
ZARTAN!

Falcon and Jinx run for cover and hide behind a wall.

JINX
This is just great, Falcon.

FALCON
Lucky for you though that I never
leave home without my gun.

Falcon turns around the corner and starts firing his laser at them.

ZARTAN
Quickly, everyone out the back door!

Zartan and the Dreadnoks run out with the money.

FALCON
Come on, Jinx!

OUTSIDE BANK

Falcon and Jinx are chasing Zartan and the Dreadnoks down the street, exchanging fire. Zartan and the Dreadnoks get in Heather’s car.

FALCON
I’ll shoot out their tires so they
can’t escape.

Falcon shoots out the tires of Heather’s car.

ZANDAR
Blast it, they shot out the tires.

ZARTAN
Quickly, find another vehicle so
we can escape.

Zartan and the others get out. Zarana sees Jinx’s car
and gets in the drivers seat.

ZARANA
Here’s one, Zartan, and it still has
the keys in it.
12.

Zartan and the Dreadnoks get in Jinx’s car and it speeds off. Zartan stands up and looks back at them.

ZARTAN
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Falcon and Jinx are standing there watching them drive off.

FALCON
I don’t believe it, Jinx! What were
you thinking leaving the keys in your
car?

JINX
Look who’s talking, Falcon. What
were you thinking going out on a
date with Zarana?

FALCON
I guess we both should’ve thought
harder about thinking we had seen
the last of Cobra before we quit
the G.I. Joe team. Wait until Duke
hears about this.

JINX
Well, it can wait until tomorrow.
I think we’ve both had enough drama
for one night.

FALCON
You’re right. I’ll call a cab and
we can talk about this in the
morning.

JINX
Just remember though that you’re
sleeping on the couch tonight, Mr.

INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY

Duke is lying down in the hospital bed. Visiting him is Lifeline and SCARLETT.

LIFELINE
You’re definitely on your way to
recovery, Duke. My guess is that
you’ll be able to leave this
hospital bed within a couple of weeks.

SCARLETT
Did you hear that, Duke? Within two
weeks you’ll be back on your feet.

13.

DUKE
You know, Scarlett, people have asked
me what it feels like to be bit by
a cobra. And I tell them that it feels
exactly how you would expect it to feel.
Very, very painful.

SCARLETT
Well, at least we don’t have to worry
about Serpentor anymore. Thanks to
Falcon, he’s going to be buried
underneath what used to be Cobra-La
forever.

DUKE
Thanks for being optimistic, Scarlett.
But I’ll believe that Serpentor’s
really dead when I see it.

Sgt. Slaughter, Falcon, and Jinx enter scene.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Hey, look who I found wandering out
in the halls.

DUKE
Falcon, Jinx, it’s good to see you.

JINX
It’s good to see you, too, Duke.

FALCON
How you doing, big brother?

DUKE
Better. Lifeline says that he thinks
I’ll make a full recovery and I’ll
be ready to leave here in a couple of
weeks. I can’t wait either, as the
food I’ve been eating seems just about
as dangerous as that cobra that bit me.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Speaking of Cobra, Falcon and Jinx
tell me that they had a little run in
with our old friend Zartan last night.

DUKE
Zartan? And let me guess, he wasn’t
alone either?

14.

FALCON
No, he was with the Dreadnoks and we
caught them robbing a bank. We tried
to stop them, but they got away and
stole Jinx’s car.

DUKE
I told you, Scarlett, we’ll never be
able to finish Cobra off for good.
The sooner I can get out of this
hospital bed, the sooner I can start
serving my country again.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Now you just take it easy, Duke.
I’ve already spoke to General Hawk and
told him to start calling the Joes
back in. We have plenty of G.I. Joes,
but we only have one Duke. And he
needs to be one hundred percent
before he can fight again.

FALCON
Duke, you make me feel guilty for
thinking that the Joes didn’t need
us anymore.

DUKE
Falcon, you made me prouder than you
could’ve ever imagined. You can
always join the Joes again if you
change your mind.

Sgt. Slaughter hands Falcon two tickets.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Why don’t you take these, Falcon.
It’ll get your mind off of Cobra for
awhile.

FALCON
What are these?

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Front row tickets to the “Wrestling
With the Joes” pay-per-view tonight.
I’m wrestling ROWDY RODDY PIPER and
the champion, HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX, in a
triple threat match for world title.
All profits goes to the Joe team.
I’d appreciate it if you were there
to support me.

15.

FALCON
Sure, we’d love to go!

JINX
Who’s Hollywood Hendrix?

FALCON
Only the best wrestler ever born.
He’s been champion for four straight
years and has never been beaten in
his career.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Well, that’s all going to change
tonight. I’m going to teach Piper
and Hollywood how to wrestle -
Slaughter-style. I’ll see you
later, Duke. Get well soon.

DUKE
Good luck, Sarge. You know I’d
be there, but I’ll have to settle
for watching from my bed this time.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Don’t worry about it, I understand.
Just get better.

Sgt. Slaughter exits scene.

FALCON
Front row tickets to watch Sgt.
Slaughter wrestle. How about that?

DUKE
Some people would pay thousands of
dollars for that. I wouldn’t pass
up the opportunity.

FALCON
What do you say, Jinx?

JINX
I’ll go only because Sgt. Slaughter
asked us both to go. But as far as
going because you asked me, you could
take Zarana instead for all I care.

SCARLETT
What does Zarana have to do with this?

FALCON
It’s a long story. Real long story.
Ha, ha, ha.

16.

EXT. DESERT - DAY

Zarana is driving Jinx’s car with Zartan and the other Dreadnoks inside. Zartan uses a remote control to open a secret entrance in the ground. They enter a

TUNNEL

and drive until they reach the underground Cobra Temple.

INT. COBRA TEMPLE - DAY

Standing there already is BARONESS, XAMOT, and TOMAX.
Zartan and the Dreadnoks get out of Jinx’s car.

BARONESS
Look who’s back.

TOMAX
We were sure, Zartan...

XAMOT
That if you succeeded...

TOMAX
You would just...

XAMOT AND TOMAX
(simultaneously)
Take the money and run.

ZARTAN
I have my reasons. Where is Destro at?
He owes me for completing this mission.

BARONESS
He’s working on Cobra’s new ultimate
weapon, which your generous
contributions will help us develop.

RIPPER
Hey, what is this new ultimate weapon
anyway?

TOMAX
You will find out...

XAMOT
Soon enough.

XAMOT AND TOMAX
(simultaneously)
Dreadnoks.

17.

BARONESS
We need as much money as possible to
rebuild Cobra and assemble as many
Battle Android Troopers as we can.
Most of our men and our equipment was
lost in our last battle with G.I. Joe,
including our great Emperor, Serpentor.

ZANDAR
How do we know that Serpentor is
really lost forever?

BARONESS
We don’t know. DR. MINDBENDER is
searching for him now in the
remains of Cobra-La, but I know that
he will never be found.

TOMAX
Which is why...

XAMOT
We need to find Cobra...

XAMOT AND TOMAX
(simultaneously)
A new leader.

BUZZER
Hey, mates, why don’t we just go
find a snake in the ground and call
it Cobra Commander.

DREADNOKS
(all)
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

ZARTAN
My Dreadnoks and I have been more
successful than Cobra Commander or
Serpentor ever were. I should
command Cobra from now on.

BARONESS
You are a mercenary, Zartan, not a
leader. We have already decided that
we will find a new leader from the
outside instead of warring amongst
ourselves on who should lead.

Rowdy Roddy Piper enters scene from the shadows.

RODDY PIPER
And I know exactly who that should be.

18.

EXT. COBRA-LA - DAY

THRASHER is driving the Thunder Machine with Dr. Mindbender in the passenger seat and two Cobra Vipers in the back.

THRASHER
How many more days do you want to keep
searching for Serpentor? I don’t get
paid enough to fill the Thunder Machine
up with gas like this, Doctor.

DR. MINDBENDER
We are staying until we find Serpentor,
Thrasher. Cobra did not create
Serpentor only to abandon him or let
him freeze to death in this icy weather.

THRASHER
Yeah, but we might end up freezing to
death because the Thunder Machine’s
almost out of heat.

DR. MINDBENDER
That’s a chance I’m willing to take.
Without Serpentor, we might as well
just bury ourselves in the ice with
him.

THRASHER
This is right around the area where
Cobra-La was. He’s got to be
around here somewhere.

DR. MINDBENDER
(gadget in hand)
Stop! My genetic tracer is telling me
that Serpentor is here.

Everybody exits the Thunder Machine. Serpentor is frozen in a wall of snow, with his back stuck to the bottom of his Air Chariot and his arms spread out.

DR. MINDBENDER
At last, we have found you my lord.
You will lead Cobra again! Ah, ha,
ha, ha, ha, ha!

EXT./INT. WRESTLING ARENA - NIGHT

The parking lot is packed and people are walking in the building. Jinx and Falcon are backstage with Sgt. Slaughter.

19.

FALCON
Good luck out there, Sarge.

JINX
We know you’ll do well.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Everyone knows I’ll do well, but
nobody’s ever been able to beat
Hollywood Hendrix. I got to
wrestle him and Rowdy Roddy Piper
tonight. The odds aren’t in my favor.

FALCON
Well, we’re going to be cheering
for you no matter what happens.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
You better be. Now go out there and
grab your seats. The newest G.I.
Joe recruit, THE MARINE, is up first.
He can use your support as well.

FALCON
You got it, Sarge. Come on, Jinx.

RING AREA

Falcon and Jinx sit down in their seats in the front row. The ANNOUNCER is standing in the ring with a microphone.

ANNOUNCER
Thank you all for coming to the
first ever “Wrestling With the Joes”
charity event, where all proceeds will
be donated to the G.I. Joe team.

FALCON
Wow, this is quite a crowd here.
I didn’t have any idea that this many
people liked wrestling.

JINX
See what you’ve been missing, Falcon,
spending your free time with all of
your girlfriends?

ANNOUNCER
Our first match is a boxer versus
wrestler match. Introducing first,
from parts unknown, and claiming to
have the largest boas in the world,
the boxer, BIG BOA!

20.

Big Boa makes his way to the ring, wearing his mask and boxing gloves. He’s flexing his arms and being booed heavily.

JINX
Isn’t that guy ugly?

FALCON
Not everybody can be as handsome as
me, Jinx.

Big Boa is standing in the ring and taunting the fans.

ANNOUNCER
Introducing next, from West Newbury,
Massachusetts, returning from Iraq,
the newest member of the G.I. Joe
team, the wrestler, The Marine!

The Marine comes out with camouflage face paint to a huge ovation. He walks to the ring.

JINX
I guess you can be as handsome as
Lt. Falcon if you’re a marine.
Look at what I’m missing now not
being with G.I. Joe.

Falcon looks at Jinx with a disgusted look. The Announcer exits the ring. The Marine and Big Boa prepare to match up with the REFEREE standing next to them.

REFEREE
Okay, let’s have a good clean match.
You can win by pin fall, knockout,
submission, or count out with no disqualifications. Let’s give these
people their money’s worth.

BIG BOA
I’m going to smother you in my boas -
Marine.

THE MARINE
(waves his hand)
You can’t see me, my time is now!

The bell rings. Big Boa immediately starts punching The Marine non-stop and doing so all over the ring.

COMMENTATOR 1
Wow, what a great way to start things
off! It looks like Big Boa’s going
for the quick knockout.

21.

BIG BOA
I can see you clearly, and your head
is a punching bag.

THE MARINE
Not anymore.

The Marine trips Big Boa and puts him in his STFU submission move.

COMMENTATOR 2 (O.S.)
It’s the STFU! How often have we
seen wrestlers tap out to this move?!

Big Boa grabs The Marine’s head while in the STFU and slams The Marine head first onto the mat.

COMMENTATOR 1 (O.S.)
Ewww, that had to hurt. The Marine’s
neck could be broken after that.

Big Boa jumps up in the air and tries to hit The Marine with a flying elbow coming down. The Marine rolls out of the way and Big Boa lands on the mat. Big Boa gets up and The Marine starts punching him non-stop. Big Boa is just standing there defenseless.

THE CROWD
Take off the mask! Take off the mask!
Take off the mask! Take off the mask!

COMMENTATOR 2
I think this crowd wants The Marine
to take off Big Boa’s mask.

The Marine pulls off Big Boa’s mask. We don’t see Big Boa’s face.

THE CROWD
Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.

THE MARINE
So that’s why you wear a mask! Better
put this back on, you could give these
people nightmares for weeks!

The Marine slams Big Boa’s mask back on him. The Marine picks him up for the F-U, and throws him all the way outside the ring and through the table where the commentators are at. The crowd starts cheering like crazy.

COMMENTATOR 1
Incredible. This has got to be the
best match I have ever seen in my life!

22.

Big Boa is out on the floor and lying through the broken
commentator’s table. The referee and crowd are counting as the commentators stand and watch.

REFEREE (O.S.)
One - two - three - four - five...

As the Referee and the crowd continue to count, Big Boa starts to get up.

COMMENTATOR 2
I’ve never seen someone thrown
through a table like that and
still be able to get back up.

Big Boa grabs a chain from under the ring. He brings it inside the ring and starts swinging it at The Marine.

COMMENTATOR 1 (O.S.)
It looks like Big Boa wants to win
this match no matter what it takes.

Big Boa hits The Marine with the chain.

COMMENTATOR 1 (O.S.)
Ewwwwwww!

Big Boa wraps the chain around The Marine’s neck.

JINX
This is really getting nasty here.

The Marine slowly pulls the chain away from his neck. He elbows Big Boa three times, and then F-Us him on the mat.
The Marine takes the chain and uses it to put Big Boa in the STFU.

COMMENTATOR 2 (O.S.)
This could be it if Big Boa submits!

Big Boa submits and the crowd starts cheering like crazy.
Falcon and Jinx stand on their feet and start clapping.
The Marine salutes the crowd as Big Boa rolls out of the ring. Sgt. Slaughter’s music starts playing. He walks down the aisle carrying the American flag.

FALCON
Here he comes!

COMMENTATOR 1 (O.S.)
There he is! The one and only Real
American Hero - Sgt. Slaughter!

23.

Sgt. Slaughter enters the ring with the American flag as The Marine salutes him. Sgt. Slaughter waves the flag to the crowd as the Announcer stands in the ring.

BACKSTAGE

Rowdy Roddy Piper is talking to two men in uniform.

UNIFORM MAN 1
Remember the plan, Roddy.

RODDY PIPER
Don’t worry about it. It’s all
taken care of.

UNIFORM MAN 2
Let’s hope so. Destro will have our
hides if we screw this up.

Big Boa enters the scene in pain.

BIG BOA
I really hate marines. And I hate
G.I. Joes even more.

Rowdy Roddy Piper’s music starts playing.

RODDY PIPER
Well it’s time for me to go out
there and kick some Slaughter butt.
I’ll see you after the show.

RING AREA

Rowdy Roddy Piper is walking down the aisle in his usual ring attire.

JINX
Who is that?

FALCON
That’s Rowdy Roddy Piper. He’s the
bad guy.

JINX
Why’s he wearing a dress?

FALCON
Because you didn’t want to wear one
tonight.

JINX
Very funny.

24.

Rowdy Roddy Piper gets in the ring and starts taunting Sgt. Slaughter. Sgt. Slaughter hands his flag, sunglasses, and hat to the Referee.

COMMENTATOR 1 (O.S.)
What an interesting match-up this is
sure to be.

FALCON
You know, I think this is first time
I’ve ever seen Sgt. Slaughter without
his sunglasses on before.

COMMENTATOR 1 (O.S.)
Obviously Sgt. Slaughter’s taking this
match very seriously. He’s up against
two of the best in the business tonight,
and it’s for all the gold.

A Jimi Hendrix sound alike tune starts playing. Hollywood Hendrix walks down the aisle wearing red and yellow colors, feather boas, and the championship belt around his waist. The crowd is going crazy.

COMMENTATOR 2 (O.S.)
What a match this should be.
Hollywood Hendrix has never been beaten
in his career, and tonight he’s
defending his world championship belt
in a triple threat match for charity.

Hollywood Hendrix comes into the ring and rips off his shirt. Hollywood cups his ear to the crowd on each side of the ring as Rowdy Roddy Piper and Sgt. Slaughter watch. The crowd behind Falcon and Jinx are going crazy cheering.
The three wrestlers are in the ring with the Announcer.

ANNOUNCER
This triple threat match is our main
event of the evening. It is for the
heavyweight championship of the world!
Introducing first, from Glascow,
Scotland. The challenger, Rowdy
Roddy Piper!

The fans boo Piper as he taunts them.

ANNOUNCER
Also the challenger, from Washington
D.C., the drill instructor for the
G.I. Joe team, Sgt. Slaughter!

Sgt. Slaughter salutes the fans as they cheer him.

25.

ANNOUNCER
And the champion, from Hollywood,
California.

Hollywood Hendrix starts flexing for the crowd.

ANNOUNCER
Undefeated and known around the
world for his TV appearances and
movie starring roles, the Immortal
Hollywood Hendrix!

Hollywood Hendrix takes off his belt and holds it up for everyone to see and hands it to the Referee. The Announcer exits the ring. The Referee hands the belt outside the ring to the time keeper and the bell rings.

Rowdy Roddy Piper immediately runs outside the ring. Hollywood Hendrix and Sgt. Slaughter look at each other and follow Piper outside the ring. Piper grabs a steel chair.

COMMENTATOR 1 (O.S.)
It looks like this match is starting
off hardcore. Piper’s going straight
for the steel chair!

Piper hits Hollywood Hendrix with the steel chair and knocks him down. He then hits Sgt. Slaughter with it and knocks him down.

RODDY PIPER
This is for destroying the Cobra
Terror Drome, Sgt. Slaughter.

Piper hits Slaughter several more times with the chair as he lies on the ground. Piper picks up Slaughter and throws him into the ring. Hollywood Hendrix clotheslines Piper from behind. He then does the leg drop on Piper outside the ring.

COMMENTATOR 2 (O.S.)
Unbelievable! A leg drop outside the
ring!

Hollywood Hendrix gets in the ring with Sgt. Slaughter lying on the mat. Hollywood looks around and prepares for a leg drop.

FALCON
Get up, Sarge!

As Hollywood comes down for the leg drop, Slaughter rolls out of the way. The crowd is cheering.

26.

JINX
Way to go!

Hollywood is in pain and rolls over on his stomach. Slaughter puts him in his Cobra clutch submission move.

COMMENTATOR 1 (O.S.)
Oh, no! It’s Sgt. Slaughter’s Cobra
clutch submission move. Hollywood
Hendrix may tap out for the first
time ever in his career.

Hollywood Hendrix is screaming in pain. He puts his hand up like he’s preparing to tap out. Piper enters the ring with the steel chair.

COMMENTATOR 2 (O.S.)
It’s Rowdy Roddy Piper again with
the steel chair!

Piper hits Slaughter with the chair and stops the Cobra clutch. Piper picks up Sgt. Slaughter and throws him out of the ring. Hollywood rolls over and sees Piper swinging the chair at him and catches it.

Hollywood stands up and they struggle with the chair. Hollywood kicks him in the stomach and throws the chair out of the ring. Piper comes from behind and puts Hollywood in the sleeper hold.

COMMENTATOR 1 (O.S.)
Now it’s Piper with the sleeper hold
on Hollywood and Slaughter outside the
ring. This could be over shortly.

Slaughter is lying outside the ring by Falcon and Jinx.

FALCON
Come on, Sgt. Slaughter, get up!

Hollywood starts hulking up and backs Piper into the ring post. Piper loses his grip. Hollywood body slams him and bounces off the ropes and does the leg drop. He pins him.

REFEREE
One - two - three!

COMMENTATOR 2
It’s over! Hollywood Hendrix is still
the champion and undefeated!

ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Here is your winner, and still
champion, Hollywood Hendrix!

27.

Hollywood Hendrix’s music starts playing and he starts posing for the crowd as they cheer. Piper exits the ring. Sgt. Slaughter gets up and walks towards Falcon and Jinx as they clap.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Wait until I get my hands on that
Rowdy Roddy Piper again. He’s always
been a cheater, and now more than ever,
I’m suspicious that he might be a
Cobra agent.

FALCON
What?

CM PUNK’s music cuts into Hollywood Hendrix’s music as he’s posing. CM Punk walks down the aisle carrying the Money in the Bank briefcase.

COMMENTATOR 1 (O.S.)
Oh my God! CM Punk is cashing in
his Money in the Bank briefcase
that he won at WrestleMania! Hollywood
Hendrix may never be more vulnerable
to lose his championship belt than he
is right now!

Sgt. Slaughter and Rowdy Roddy Piper are watching the action from outside the ring at opposite ends. CM Punk enters the ring with the briefcase. Hollywood runs to attack CM Punk with both of his fists together, but Punk ducks and whacks him with the briefcase and Hollywood falls down.

COMMENTATOR 2 (O.S.)
This is it!

CM Punk pins Hollywood.

REFEREE
One - two!

Hollywood kicks out. CM Punk picks him up and puts him in his GTS finishing move. He pins him again.

REFEREE
One - two!

Hollywood kicks out again.

COMMENTATOR 1 (O.S.)
What does CM Punk have to do to
beat Hollywood Hendrix?!

28.

CM Punk waits for Hollywood to get back up. He gets up, and CM Punk does a second GTS finishing move and goes for the pin.

COMMENTATOR 2 (O.S.)
This has got to be it!

REFEREE
One - two!

Hollywood Hendrix pushes CM Punk off of him. He gets on his knees and starts shaking his head “no” at him.

COMMENTATOR 1 (O.S.)
Amazing! How many times have we
seen Hollywood Hendrix come back
like this?! It’s truly incredible!

CM Punk punches Hollywood in the face who is on his knees. Hollywood shakes his head “no.” CM Punk punches him in the face again. Hollywood gets up and starts hulking up.

COMMENTATOR 2 (O.S.)
He’s hulking up! I don’t believe it!

CM Punk punches him in the face again. Hollywood points the finger at him. CM Punk punches him in the face again and Hollywood catches it.

Hollywood punches him in the face three times and throws him off the ropes and gives him the big boot. Hollywood bounces off the ropes and does the leg drop and pins him.

REFEREE
One - two - three!

COMMENTATOR 2 (O.S.)
It’s over! Hollywood Hendrix has done
it again!

Hollywood’s music starts playing. CM Punk is very disgusted and grabs his briefcase and leaves the ring. Hollywood is posing for the crowd. Sgt. Slaughter enters the ring with the American flag. He hands it to Hollywood and salutes him.

Hollywood Hendrix starts waving the flag to the crowd with Sgt. Slaughter at his side. CM Punk comes into the ring with his briefcase and Piper with the chair. CM Punk attacks Hollywood from behind and Piper attacks Slaughter from behind. The music stops playing.

29.

COMMENTATOR 1 (O.S.)
It looks like it’s not over! Rowdy
Roddy Piper and CM Punk are looking
to settle the score.

Hollywood Hendrix and Sgt. Slaughter are lying on the mat as Piper and CM Punk hit them with their weapons.

JINX
Was this supposed to happen?

Out of nowhere, Zartan, Zandar, Zarana, Buzzer, Ripper, Torch, and Monkeywrench jump over the guard rail and into the ring. They help assault Hollywood Hendrix and Sgt. Slaughter.

FALCON
Zartan and the Dreadnoks! How’d they
get in here?

Falcon and Jinx get out of their seats and jump over the guard rail and into the ring. People start throwing debris in the ring and chaos is breaking out in the stands. Big Boa runs to the ring.

COMMENTATOR 2 (O.S.)
All hell is breaking loose! And now
Big Boa is coming to the ring to get
involved.

ZARTAN
Come on, let’s get these guys out of
here and be gone!

FALCON
Not so fast, Zartan!

Falcon punches Zartan out. Buzzer, Ripper, Torch, and Monkeywrench are kicking Hollywood Hendrix while he’s down. Hollywood gets up and starts hulking up. The Marine runs to the ring.

COMMENTATOR 1 (O.S.)
Now it looks like The Marine is
coming to the ring!

Hollywood grabs all four Dreadnoks in a bear hug and smashes them together. Zartan goes to punch Hollywood, but misses and gets punched out by The Marine. The Marine gets tackled by Big Boa.

Hollywood grabs Zartan and throws him at Piper and CM Punk who are beating up Sgt. Slaughter. People from the crowd start coming in the ring and rush towards Hollywood Hendrix.
30.

FALCON
Sgt. Slaughter needs our help!

Falcon and Jinx run to Sgt. Slaughter who is lying down on the mat. Big Boa punches The Marine five times with each fist and knocks him out.

BIG BOA
We have to get out of here now,
Zartan!

Zartan looks at Roddy Piper and CM Punk.

ZARTAN
You two come with us, and you won’t
get hurt.

RODDY PIPER
Punk, just do as they say.

Zartan, Big Boa, Piper, CM Punk, and the rest his crew exit the ring and head to the seating area. Zartan fires his laser in the air.

ZARTAN
Out of the way, people!

The people in the crowd scream and run for cover as Zartan’s crew exit through a door in the crowd.

THE MARINE
They’re getting away!

The Marine chases them through the crowd.

OUTSIDE ARENA

A limousine is waiting there for them along with motorcycles for the Dreadnoks. The two uniformed men from earlier are standing watch and open the back door of the limousine for them as they come running out.

Zartan, Big Boa, Piper, and CM Punk get inside the limo, and the others speed off on motorcycles.

INSIDE LIMO

ZARTAN
Mission accomplished, Destro.
Let’s go.

Destro is in the driver’s seat next to the Baroness.

DESTRO
Excellent.
31.

CM PUNK
Destro?

OUTSIDE ARENA

Cop cars pull up behind the limo and police officers get out. The Marine runs into scene.

THE MARINE
Stop them. They’ve kidnapped three
of our wrestlers!

The limo releases toxic gases from the exhaust pipes and everybody outside starts coughing. The limo starts to drive and wings pop out from each side and it flies off.

RING AREA

Hollywood Hendrix is standing in a debris filled ring with a crowd of people and security around him.

GIRL
Hollywood, can we please have your
autograph?!

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
Another day, people. This wasn’t
supposed to be part of the show.
I got to see how Sgt. Slaughter’s
doing.

Paramedics are coming down the aisle with a stretcher. Sgt. Slaughter is still lying on the mat with Falcon and Jinx on their knees trying to help him.

FALCON
You’re going to be all right, Sarge.
I know you will.

JINX
(whispers to Falcon)
I guess wrestling’s not as fake as
I thought it was.

Hollywood Hendrix comes over.

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
Hey, you did great out there.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Yeah, but you’re still the champ and
standing up while I’m lying down here
having a stretcher brought to me.
I think I know what they mean now about
sticking around for too long.
32.

The paramedics put Sgt. Slaughter on the stretcher.

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
You’ll be back before you know it,
and probably to challenge me for my
title sooner than later. You’re a
true Real American Hero, Sgt. Slaughter.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Yo Joe.

The paramedics carry Sgt. Slaughter off on the stretcher. Hollywood Hendrix looks at Falcon and Jinx.

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
Well guys, thanks for coming to the
show. I’m really sorry about all the
chaos here tonight and hope you won’t
blame it on us. It’s good to know that
G.I. Joe’s always there for us to fight
for freedom, even when we’re wrestling.

Hollywood Hendrix exits the ring and Falcon and Jinx look at each other.

LOCKER ROOM

Hollywood Hendrix is putting on his street clothes. Falcon and Jinx knock on his open door.

FALCON
Excuse me, Mr. Hollywood.

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
Oh, I’m sorry, did you guys want an
autograph?

JINX
No, we didn’t come back here to ask
for your autograph.

FALCON
We just wanted to tell you what a great
job you did dealing with those
Dreadnoks out there.

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
It was nothing. When anybody decides
to get in the ring with me, you
better be prepared.

33.

FALCON
Jinx and I just thought that you would
be the perfect addition for the G.I.
Joe team. We could introduce you to
General Hawk if you’d like.

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
G.I. Joe, are you kidding me?

JINX
No, not at all. You would be great
material for G.I. Joe.

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
Do you know how much money I make
wrestling, being in movies and TV
shows? Do you have any idea?

FALCON
No, not really.

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
A lot. The answer’s no.

Falcon hands him a business card.

FALCON
Well, here’s General Hawk’s phone
number. I know he’d like to talk
to you if you’re interested.

Hollywood Hendrix takes it and exits scene.

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
Thanks, I’ll be sure to keep it in
mind.

Falcon and Jinx watch him leave.

FALCON
So what do you think, Jinx?

JINX
He kind of reminds me of you before
you decided to join the team.

INT. JOES HEADQUARTERS - HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY

Duke is lying down in his hospital bed. Lifeline enters scene pushing Sgt. Slaughter into the room on his bed.

34.

LIFELINE
I told you that wrestling at your age
wasn’t a good idea for you, Sgt.
Slaughter. You can’t say I didn’t
try to tell you so.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Give it a break, Lifeline. I’ll be a
wrestler till the day I die, and I’ll
always be your superior in G.I. Joe.
Don’t you forget it.

LIFELINE
And don’t forget that I’ll always be
your doctor as long as you’re with
G.I. Joe.

Lifeline pushes the bed next to Duke’s.

DUKE
That was a great match you had last
night, Sgt. It’s too bad though you
might be watching the next pay-per-view
from your bed like I was watching you
last night.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Trust me, Duke, I won’t be in here
that long. Nothing can stop me from
wanting to get back in that ring as
soon as I can.

DUKE
I couldn’t believe my eyes when I seen
Zartan and the Dreadnoks get involved
with the match. I guess it’s a good
thing that Falcon and Jinx were there,
too.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Unfortunately though, they got away
with CM Punk, Big Boa, and Rowdy
Roddy Piper and we have no clue to
where they are now. God only knows
what they could possibly want with
them. And it wouldn’t surprise me
if Piper and Boa were somehow
involved with all of this, either.

EXT./INT. COBRA TEMPLE - NIGHT

The Cobra Temple rises from beneath the sand. The mouth of the cobra head on the temple opens. The limo flies inside.

35.

INSIDE COBRA TEMPLE

The limo lands like a helicopter. Standing there already is Xamot and Tomax. Everybody exits the limo. CM Punk starts to look around.

TOMAX
It looks like...

XAMOT
They have returned...

XAMOT AND TOMAX
(simultaneously)
And brought friends!

CM PUNK
Wow, this has got to be the Cobra
Temple I’ve heard so much about.
I didn’t even think it really
existed.

TOMAX
And...

XAMOT
We’re going to keep it that way
because...

TOMAX
No one has ever revealed the
location of the Cobra Temple...

XAMOT
And lived to tell about it.

CM PUNK
And you guys must be Xamot and
Tomax, the Crimson Guard commanders.

XAMOT AND TOMAX
(simultaneously)
How observant!

CM Punk looks at Destro and the Baroness.

CM PUNK
And Destro and the Baroness.
And Zartan - I’ve heard all about
you guys!

DESTRO
And we’ve heard all about you, too,
which is why we brought you here.

36.

CM PUNK
But why me? If you’re looking to
hold me for ransom or extort me for
money, you picked the wrong wrestler.
I’m not worth all that much.

BARONESS
But you are to us.

CM PUNK
I don’t understand.

RODDY PIPER
Then let me help you understand, Punk.
I’m a Cobra recruiter, and it was my
idea to bring you here.

CM PUNK
Roddy, you’re a Cobra recruiter?

RODDY PIPER
I’m a Cobra recruiter and Big Boa here
is a Cobra trainer. Destro came to me
when Cobra was looking for someone to
become their ultimate weapon, the new
Cobra leader. I told him that I had
someone in mind - you. And I hope that
you will gladly accept our generous
offer. Because if you don’t, we can’t
let you leave here alive.

CM PUNK
Well, I heard that the old Cobra
Commander had become a snake, and
Serpentor was probably dead. But I
can’t lead Cobra. I’m a wrestler, not
a Cobra soldier.

DESTRO
But for how long? I heard that you
had an unfortunate defeat tonight,
which may cause a significant setback
in your career.

RODDY PIPER
Destro’s right. You had your best
shot to beat Hollywood Hendrix tonight,
and you blew it. You’re never going to
be able to get that opportunity again.
You’ll be out of a job and out of money
before you know it. And only Cobra can
supply you with the riches that you
wanted in wrestling but you’ll never
be able to achieve otherwise.

37.

CM PUNK
I guess you do have a point, Roddy.

BARONESS
Join us, we want you here. You know
you want to be here with us, or you
would not wear the Cobra symbol on
your shoulder.

RODDY PIPER
I’ve seen you in action kid. I know
that you’re perfect Cobra material.

CM PUNK
Then I guess it’s settled. Cobra’s
my new home and you guys are my new
friends. But if I’m going to be
leading Cobra, I think I’m going to
need a new name.

DESTRO
My ultimate weapon is now complete.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the
NEW Cobra Commander!

A huge blast causes a hole in the upper wall. Everyone turns around and looks. Serpentor flies through the
opening on his Air Chariot.

SERPENTOR
Serpentor has returned to lead Cobra
again and crush G.I. Joe once and
for all. This I command!

CM PUNK
Uh, oh. I think we have a problem.

INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

General Hawk is standing up at the podium with The Marine standing next to him. The rest of the Joe team is sitting down facing them.

HAWK
As many of you are aware, we had
another incident yesterday involving
Zartan and the Dreadnoks, which is
why I called this mandatory meeting.
Our newest member of the Joe team,
The Marine, will brief you on just
what occurred.

General Hawk steps away from the podium and The Marine gets behind it.
38.

THE MARINE
Yo Joe! Sorry, I’ve just always
wanted to say that. Yesterday during
“Wrestling With the Joes”, Zartan and
his crew kidnapped three of our
wrestlers and injured Sgt. Slaughter.
It’s clear that Cobra is still in
existence in some form or another.
We need to find out where they are
in hiding. My company and I will do
whatever we can to assist the
G.I. Joe team.

The Marine steps away from the podium and General Hawk gets back behind it.

HAWK
There was also an incident the day
before that where Zartan and the
Dreadnoks were caught robbing a bank.
If Zartan and his Dreadnoks are still
out there, it’s possible that several
other high profile members of Cobra
may be, too. We need to locate them
and stop them before they can expand
their army. Does anyone have any
idea where Cobra could be hiding?

The Joes speak who are sitting down.

BEACHHEAD
What about Cobra-La? That’s the
last known place where Cobra was
hiding.

SHIPWRECK
Everything there is buried under miles
of snow now. There’s no way Cobra
could be hiding there.

BEACHHEAD
I think you’d just rather go search
for them along the sea and where
the weather’s warm, Shipwreck.

SHIPWRECK
That too, Beachhead.

FLINT
Is it possible that they could be
hiding on Cobra Island where the
Terror Drome used to be?

39.

HAWK
All possibilities are going to need
to be explored, including the secret
underground Cobra Temple.

LADY JAYE
But that’s hidden in a remote location
in the desert in the middle of
nowhere. We could search for weeks and
not find it.

FLINT
We have no choice, Lady Jaye. We
found it once, we can find it again.

HAWK
Then you have your orders, G.I. Joe.
Split up into teams and start
searching for any signs of where
Cobra may be hiding and find the
missing wrestlers. Good luck.

The Joes sitting down get up and leave. General Hawk shakes The Marine’s hand.

HAWK
It’s really great to have you with
the team now. Are you sure that you
wouldn’t consider doing it full-time?
We sure could use your help.

THE MARINE
I really like you General Hawk, and
I really like being a part of the
team. But I could never leave Vince
for good. Trust me though when I tell
you I love my country, and I’ll do
anything I can to help you.

HAWK
Sgt. Slaughter was smart to bring you
in to meet me. I’m just sorry that
he had to get hurt the other night
to help raise money for the Joes.

THE MARINE
It comes with the job, General Hawk.
Wrestling can be just as dangerous
as fighting Cobra out on the
battlefield. We all know the risks
when we get in the ring. We just
try our best to prevent getting hurt.

40.

HAWK
Sgt. Slaughter was telling me about
another wrestler I’d like to meet.

THE MARINE
Hollywood Hendrix? He wouldn’t be
interested in joining G.I. Joe.
He’s all about having fame and
fortune. Unfortunately, I don’t
think his patriotism in the ring is
a true reflection of who he really
is out of the ring like me.

HAWK
Well, I’m glad that you’re with us.
We’ll be in touch.

INT. COBRA TEMPLE - NIGHT

Destro, Baroness, Zartan, Xamot, Tomax, Roddy Piper, Big Boa, and CM Punk are standing there. Serpentor is in the air on his Air Chariot. Dr. Mindbender and Thrasher get out of the Thunder Machine.

DR. MINDBENDER
We’ve found Serpentor! Our Emperor
has returned to lead us again!

DESTRO
My lord, we thought that you were
lost forever in the frozen arctic
of Cobra-La.

Dr. Mindbender shows them a gadget in his hand.

DR. MINDBENDER
With my genetic tracer, Serpentor will
never be lost.

BARONESS
You mean it actually works? We
thought it was just another one of
your ridiculous inventions.

SERPENTOR
Never! Dr. Mindbender is the greatest
scientist on Earth, and I am living
proof of his superior intelligence.

DR. MINDBENDER
(bows)
Thank you, oh great Serpentor.

Serpentor flies by everyone in the scene.
41.

SERPENTOR
Serpentor senses that something is
not right here.

Serpentor lands his Air Chariot by CM Punk and gets off.

SERPENTOR
I know all of you, expect for this
one, who wears the Cobra insignia
on his body.

RODDY PIPER
Serpentor, this is CM Punk. He’s our
newest member of Cobra.

CM Punk kneels down before Serpentor.

CM PUNK
It’s an honor to meet you, my lord.

SERPENTOR
What is a CM Punk?

CM Punk stands up.

CM PUNK
I don’t know. It’s just the name
they gave me in wrestling.

SERPENTOR
Another wrestler?! Is this what
Cobra has come down to in my absence?

DESTRO
Serpentor, he was hand picked by
Rowdy Roddy Piper to be our
ultimate weapon against G.I. Joe
and serve as our second in command
to you.

SERPENTOR
No one shall serve as my second in
command without proving themselves
worthy to me. We’re going to see
what this CM Punk is really made of,
in the Gladiator Arena of Sport.
And only if he succeeds will he serve
as my second in command. Is the CM
Punk ready for the challenge?

CM PUNK
Bring it on, Serpentor. I’m ready
to serve as your second in command
and be Cobra’s ultimate weapon against
G.I. Joe.
42.

Rowdy Roddy Piper shakes his head “yes.”

GLADIATOR ARENA OF SPORT

CM Punk is standing next to a huge wall. He is preparing to compete in a series of events that resemble The Wall, Gauntlet, Hit and Run, and Joust from the “American Gladiators” TV show.

Destro, Baroness, Dr. Mindbender, and Rowdy Roddy Piper are sitting in the stands, accompanied by several Cobra Vipers.

DESTRO
On your mark. Get set. Go!

CM Punk starts climbing the wall with his bare hands. The floor opens and a bunch of venomous snakes come out and start following him up the wall. CM Punk makes it to the top with the snakes in pursuit.

At the top is a narrow walkway with Xamot, Tomax, Zartan, and Big Boa standing there in positions similar to Gauntlet and holding shields to try and keep CM Punk from passing. CM Punk has no weapons.

TOMAX
You won’t make it past us...

XAMOT
We guarantee.

CM Punk tries to run past them and gets knocked down. He gets back up and tries to get past them again and gets knocked down.

CM PUNK
(on the ground)
Now I’m mad.

CM Punk gets up and grabs Xamot’s shield that he’s holding onto, and throws him into Tomax. He runs towards Zartan and Big Boa, who smash him together with their shields.

ZARTAN
Ah, ha, ha. And this is the one who
Destro thought would be our new
Cobra leader.

CM Punk is on the ground and punches Big Boa in the stomach and throws him into Zartan. Zartan is hanging from the edge of the walkway and looks down to see all kinds of snakes at the bottom.

ZARTAN
Ahhhhhhh!
43.

CM Punk runs to the next stage, which is similar to Hit and Run. Two Cobra Vipers are on each side, throwing huge demolition balls at CM Punk as he runs across a narrow walkway.

He misses the first two thrown at him and gets hit by the third and falls down. Another one is thrown at him while he’s down, and he catches it and throws it back at them knocking them down to the bottom into the snakes. He runs to the final stage.

The final test is similar to Joust. He sees Serpentor standing on a platform with two swords elevated high above the snakes. CM Punk jumps to the platform opposite from Serpentor.

SERPENTOR
Now for the final test. You must
face ME!

Serpentor throws a sword to CM Punk. Destro, Baroness, Dr. Mindbender, and Rowdy Roddy Piper are watching in the stands. They start sword fighting.

Serpentor swings his sword at CM Punk, but he ducks. Serpentor tries to stab CM Punk with his sword, but Punk dodges. Their swords cling together as CM Punk is on his back, and he starts to move closer to the edge of the platform.

PEOPLE IN STANDS
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six...

As their swords are clashed, CM Punk’s sword is coming close to his neck, and he’s slowly being pushed to the edge of the platform.

PEOPLE IN STANDS (O.S.)
Five, four, three, two, one!

RODDY PIPER
It’s over, he’s done it!

Serpentor lets up and picks up CM Punk by the hand.

SERPENTOR
Congratulations. You have passed
the test.

Destro, Baroness, Dr. Mindbender, and Rowdy Roddy Piper are clapping.

RODDY PIPER
Way to go, Punk! I knew you could
do it.
44.

THRONE ROOM

Ceremonial music is playing. Serpentor is sitting on his throne. Destro is on the left side closest to Serpentor,
followed by Baroness, Big Boa and Roddy Piper. Dr. Mindbender is on the right side closet to Serpentor, followed by Zartan, Xamot, and Tomax.

CM Punk is standing in between Roddy Piper and Tomax. CM Punk has the Cobra Commander battle armor on, but without the helmet. Roddy Piper hands CM Punk the helmet and Punk puts it on. CM punk walks towards Serpentor and will now be referred to as Cobra Commander.

DESTRO
Behold, Serpentor, my latest invention
in our war against G.I. Joe. The
ultimate Cobra weapon is the new
Cobra Commander.

Cobra Commander kneels before Serpentor.

COBRA COMMANDER
And I will obey your every command,
Serpentor.

SERPENTOR
(stands up)
Ah, ha, ha, ha. At last, a soldier
in Cobra worthy of the name Cobra
Commander. Now it’s time for us to
carry out MY ultimate plan to get rid
of G.I. Joe and cripple the United
States once and for all. This I
command!

Everyone except for Serpentor and Cobra Commander raise their right arms and yell, “COBRA!”

INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - EXERCISE ROOM - DAY

Sgt. Slaughter is doing bench presses and Duke is doing pull-ups.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
So has the sting of Serpentor gone
away yet, Duke?

DUKE
Almost, Sgt. Slaughter. I can’t
wait until I’m cleared and ready to
go back out onto that battlefield.

45.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Same here. Even though I’m feeling
a hundred percent now, Lifeline says
that I won’t be cleared for at least
another week to wrestle or return to
the Joe team. I hate being left out.

DUKE
Feel lucky that all you were was
injured, Sgt. Slaughter. I was sure
that my number was up for good when
Serpentor’s snake bit me. I just
hope that he’s gone for good because
the world is a much better place
without him.

Serpentor interrupts the television programming.

SERPENTOR (on TV)
This is Serpentor, Emperor of Cobra,
still alive and well, contrary to
some news reports.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
I guess the world isn’t a better
place yet, Duke.

GENERAL HAWK’S OFFICE

Hawk is sitting down at his desk watching Serpentor on TV.

SERPENTOR (on TV)
My Cobra organization has been rebuilt
around the world, and is more
powerful than ever.

FALCON AND JINX’S HOUSE

Falcon and Jinx are sitting down watching Serpentor on TV.

FALCON
I don’t believe it.

A picture of a very large missile appears on the television.

SERPENTOR (V.O.)
Cobra has secretly planted missiles
like these all over the world,
and will use them against the United
States if our demands are not met.

46.

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX’S HOUSE

Hollywood Hendrix is sitting down watching TV with Linda, Brooke, and Nick.

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
This guy needs to be put out of
commission once and for all.

SERPENTOR (on TV)
I demand that one hundred million
dollars be paid to Cobra within
seventy-two hours, or else you will
witness your country parish right
before your very eyes. This I command!

INT./EXT. WHITE HOUSE - NIGHT

The PRESIDENT, who resembles George Bush, is sitting down at his desk with Senators HILLARY and BARACK standing in front of him.

PRESIDENT
We need to send out the G.I. Joe team
to search for these missiles right now.
We cannot afford to give into this
lunatic’s demands. Our country’s
already in trillions of dollars of debt.

HILLARY
I agree, but our military’s already
spread so thin from the other war
we’re fighting. The G.I. Joe team
is one of our last reserves.

PRESIDENT
We have no choice. Cobra’s already
attacked Washington once. We can’t
let it happen again.

BARACK
I think it’s possible that Serpentor’s
bluffing. It would be nearly
impossible for him to have achieved
that kind of power without alerting
citizens around the world.

HILLARY
And don’t forget, the last time we
thought a country had weapons of
mass destruction, we were wrong.

47.

BARACK
And what about if Cobra attacks us
and our Joe team isn’t here to
protect us? We’ll be defenseless.

PRESIDENT
It’s just a chance we’re going to
have to take. When I was sworn in,
I took an oath to serve and protect
my country. I have to do what I think
is right.

Hillary and Barack look at each other.

PRESIDENT
I’ll make sure that General Hawk
leaves a small team of Joes behind
in case anything were to occur.

Cobra Commander is looking in the window from the outside. He flies off on his jet pack.

INT./EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

General Hawk is standing behind the podium. Duke, Sgt. Slaughter, and The Marine are standing to his left. Falcon and Jinx are standing to his right. The rest of the Joe team is sitting down facing them.

HAWK
I have the unfortunate news to give you
that our worst fears have been confirmed.
Cobra is still out there and is plotting
against G.I. Joe and the United States
of America. The President has ordered
us to search all over the world for
Cobra missiles that may be used against
the United States. We must leave
immediately to begin searching.

BEACHHEAD
But General, you know the odds just
as well as I do that Cobra’s
probably bluffing and has none of
these missiles that they claim to have.

FLINT
I agree with Beachhead, General.
This is probably Serpentor’s way
of distracting us long enough to do
his dirty work from within the
United States. I don’t think there’s
any way Cobra could have these
missiles planted around the world.
48.

HAWK
I agree with both of you completely,
but these are the President’s orders.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Exactly. He’s the President, but it
doesn’t mean he knows Cobra as well
as we do.

HAWK
Duke and Sgt. Slaughter will be
staying behind to guard Joe
Headquarters. The Marine will be
training a new group of marines on the
U.S.S. Flagg. And Falcon and Jinx have
agreed to help us look for Cobra
activity in the area and find the
missing wrestlers while we’re away.
You have your orders men, now move out!

The Joes sitting down run out and yell, “Yo Joe!”

HAWK
(to Falcon and Jinx)
Thanks for agreeing to help us guys.
Even though you’re not members of
the team anymore, you’re still a
great asset to the Joes in many ways.

FALCON
Thanks, General Hawk. Anything we can
do to help we will.

HAWK
(to The Marine)
It looks like the U.S.S. Flagg and the
marines are in your hands now, soldier.

THE MARINE
(salutes Hawk)
The honor is mine, sir. Anything I can
do to serve my country and still get to
wrestle, I will do it. Yo Joe.

The Marine exits scene. Hawk salutes Duke and Sgt. Slaughter and they salute back.

HAWK
Sgt. Slaughter, Duke, I couldn’t think
of two better Joes to leave in charge
in my absence. Contact me if you need
anything at all.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
You got it, General.
49.

General Hawk runs out of scene.

HAWK
Yo Joe!

Outside, G.I. Joe boards their vehicles and takes off.

INT. COBRA TEMPLE - DAY

Serpentor is sitting on his throne with Cobra Commander, Zartan, and Baroness standing in front of him.

SERPENTOR
Just as I thought, the President is
as naive as I predicted. He’s
sending the Joe team out of the
country to search for missiles of mass
destruction that don’t exist. Now is
the time for Cobra to take control of
this country once and for all. And
by the time the Joes return, it will
already be too late and Cobra will rule
the world. This I command!

EXT. WHITE HOUSE - DAY

The President and FIRST LADY walk to their private jet, escorted by a male and female secret service agent. The President salutes a blue dress marine as they get on. The jet takes off.

INT. JET

The President and First Lady are sitting next to each other, with the male and female secret service agents sitting behind them.

PRESIDENT
I still can’t believe that I had to
send the G.I. Joe team out of the
country like that. What if I was
wrong and Cobra doesn’t have these
missiles that they claim to have?
I could be impeached.

MALE AGENT
Or you could be putting the lives of
everyone in your country in danger.
Did you think about that?

50.

PRESIDENT
I try to do what I think is right
for my country. And since when do
I pay you to try and tell me how to
do my job?

FEMALE AGENT
He’s just being honest. What if
Cobra were here right now, then
what would you do?

PRESIDENT
I would know how to deal with the
situation. That’s why I’m the
President of the United States.

MALE AGENT
Well, Mr. President, you’re about
to experience the situation NOW!

The agents point their guns at the President and First Lady and take off their masks. The agents were Zartan and Baroness in disguise.

ZARTAN
It’s a good thing the G.I. Joe team
is out searching for something that
doesn’t exist, or else we might have
never been able to get this close to
the President.

FIRST LADY
What do you want with us?!

BARONESS
Nothing, we just want to make sure
that Zartan and I get our term in
office. We don’t believe in
campaigning and voting like the
American people do.

PRESIDENT
You’ll never get away with this,
Cobra!

ZARTAN
On the contrary, we already have
gotten away with this. Cobra’s
piloting this jet back to the Cobra
Temple for you to meet Serpentor,
from which we will be returning in
your place to run your country into
the ground and make Cobra stronger
than ever.

51.

PRESIDENT
No.

Zartan and Baroness tie them up and blindfold them.

ZARTAN
Now, let’s tie them up and blindfold
them. We can’t let them know the
location of the Cobra Temple, not that
they’ll live long enough though for it
to matter. Ah, ha, ha, ha.

EXT./INT. COBRA TEMPLE - DAY

The Cobra Temple rises from beneath the sand. The mouth of the cobra head on the temple opens. The President’s jet enters.

INSIDE COBRA TEMPLE

The President and First Lady are still blindfolded with their hands tied behind their backs. They exit the jet being followed by Zartan and Baroness with their guns drawn and holding them.

They walk to Serpentor’s throne and Serpentor stands up. Zartan and Baroness take off their blindfolds. Destro and Dr. Mindbender are already standing there.

SERPENTOR
So, this is the President who sent
G.I. Joe searching for my missiles of
mass destruction. Congratulations,
Mr. President. You accomplished more
for Cobra in one day than the old
Cobra Commander accomplished for
Cobra in a lifetime before becoming
a snake! You should be proud of
yourself.

PRESIDENT
So maybe I made a bad judgment call.
But G.I. Joe will be back. And when
they do come back, you’ll realize
how big of a mistake you made by
kidnapping my wife and I. It’s a
federal offense which carries the
death penalty, which all members of
Cobra will be found guilty of.

Zartan and Baroness put on their masks that make them look like the President and First Lady and start to talk like them.

52.

ZARTAN
(President’s voice)
But you haven’t been kidnapped.
Baroness and I will be returning in
your place before you know it.

BARONESS
(First Lady’s voice)
And you two will witness the price
of your judgment when we destroy
G.I. Joe, right before you join
their fate.

ZARTAN
Come, Baroness, let us return to
our new home. We wouldn’t want the
Democrats to get suspicious.

BARONESS
Hmm, hmm, hmm. We wouldn’t want
that to happen now, would we?

Disguised as the President and First Lady, they board the jet. It goes straight up, and flies out of the mouth of the cobra head.

OUTSIDE COBRA TEMPLE

The jet exits out of the cobra head of the temple. The Cobra Temple lowers back into the sand. A snake appears, and it turns out to be the old Cobra Commander in his mutated cobra form.

SNAKE
Was once a man - yesssss!

INTERCUT CONVERSATION - LADY JAYE AND HAWK

Lady Jaye and Flint are in Canada. Flint is sitting on top of a G.I. Joe Havoc with Lady Jaye sitting on top of another G.I. Joe Havoc next to him as the vehicles drive. Several other G.I. Joe vehicles are on the ground and in the air.

LADY JAYE (on handset)
General Hawk, this is Lady Jaye.
Do you copy?

General Hawk is in Mexico, sitting passenger in a G.I. Joe Tomahawk with Beachhead piloting it. Several other G.I. Joe vehicles are in the air and on the water.

53.

HAWK (on handset)
I copy, Lady Jaye. Have you spotted
anything in Canada yet?

LADY JAYE (on handset)
Negative, General. No W.O.M.D.
so far, and it’s been almost
three days since we started.
How’s Mexico?

HAWK (on handset)
So far nothing. Once the seventy-hours
are up, the President will realize that
Serpentor’s plot never really existed
and we’ll be able to return home.

LADY JAYE (on handset)
Affirmative, General. I just hope
Cobra’s plan wasn’t to hit us at
home while we were out on a wild
goose chase.

FLINT
That sounds a lot more realistic to me
than Cobra having missiles planted
around the world.

INT. WHITE HOUSE - NIGHT

Zartan and Baroness are disguised as the President and First Lady sitting in their office. Hillary and Barack enter the office.

HILLARY
Mr. President, Serpentor is on
the phone.

The President picks up the phone.

PRESIDENT (on phone)
This is the President speaking.

SERPENTOR (V.O.)
Good evening, Mr. President. Do
you know what time it is?

PRESIDENT (on phone)
I told you, we refuse to cooperate
with you and give into your demands.

54.

SERPENTOR (V.O.)
Then it is time for you and your
country to suffer for your arrogant
decision! My missiles are ready to be
fired at my command! Ten, nine, eight,
seven, six, five, four, three, two...

PRESIDENT (on phone)
All right! All right, enough. I will
give you the money, just please don’t
hurt my country.

SERPENTOR (V.O.)
A change of heart, how wise. Here are
my specific instructions of where I want
the money left at. And any tricks will
result in total catastrophe of your
country, as I promise you my weapons
will never be found and you will always
be at my mercy. This I command!

The President writes down the instructions and hangs up the phone.

BARACK
You’re going to pay Serpentor the
money?

PRESIDENT
I had no choice. The lives of
everyone in the country is in
jeopardy. Until G.I. Joe finds these
missiles, no one is safe.

HILLARY
But what about the economy? We
just agreed to give a terrorist
organization a hundred million
dollars. What is this going to do
to our health care and gas prices?

PRESIDENT
We’re already in debt, another hundred
million dollars won’t hurt us. Not
like Cobra would hurt us, anyway.

BARACK
That’s ridiculous! I for one don’t
even think that these missiles exist.
We can’t let them get the money.

55.

PRESIDENT
I already gave Serpentor my word that
he would get the money and there would
be no tricks. If you don’t like it,
you should run for President. But
until you do, I’m the one calling the
shots!

FIRST LADY
You should listen to my husband.
Cobra’s too powerful for us. G.I. Joe
cannot come back until these weapons
have been found.

Hillary and Barack exit the room disgusted and walk down the hallway.

HILLARY
I don’t care if he’s the President,
we can’t let Cobra get the money.

BARACK
For once, Senator, I agree with you.

EXT. WHITE HOUSE - NIGHT

Cobra Commander flies in his jet pack over the White House and lands on the roof. He looks around.

COBRA COMMANDER
Now, where is this briefcase?

He sees it sitting on the roof and walks towards it. He opens it up and checks out the money.

COBRA COMMANDER
Talk about money in the bank, this
takes the cake. Serpentor’s going to
be very happy about this.

He puts the money back in the briefcase and takes it and flies off with it. Two helicopters turn on their lights and start shooting at him.

COBRA COMMANDER
Oh, no, a sabotage!

Cobra Commander stops in mid-air and looks at them.

COBRA COMMANDER
And I don’t feel a thing either.
I guess Destro was right when he said
this new battle armor suit was the
ultimate Cobra weapon.
56.

As the helicopters fire at him, he takes out his pistol and shoots down the helicopters.

COBRA COMMANDER
Now, let’s see how fast this jet pack
can really go so I can lose the
United States government for good.

He turns the jet pack to full speed and travels at lightning speed with the briefcase.

COBRA COMMANDER
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

INT. NEWS STUDIO - DAY

A female Reporter is giving a news broadcast in the studio with pictures and videos describing her report.

REPORTER
Our country is now in more debt than
ever, and things are looking to get
worse. Yesterday, the President agreed
to pay Serpentor a hundred million
dollars to keep Cobra from unleashing
missiles targeted at the United States.
As a result of this decision, gasoline
has hit an unheard of ten dollars a
gallon and people are lining up
everywhere filling their gas tanks and
gas stations are running out of gas as
consumers fear gas prices will be going
up again. There are reported food
shortages across the country as people
stock up on food fearing inflation.
Now, Serpentor again today demanded
another hundred million dollars from the
United States.

INT. HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX’S HOUSE - DAY

Hollywood Hendrix is sitting down watching TV with Linda, Nick, and Brooke.

SERPENTOR (on TV)
I warned you, no tricks! Due to the
President’s arrogance, I’m demanding
another hundred million dollars be paid
to Cobra within twenty-four hours. And
until G.I. Joe finds my weapons, your
only choice is to obey my demands or
suffer the consequences. This I command!

57.

REPORTER (on TV)
People are buying airline tickets in
record numbers trying to get out of
the U.S. fearing a terrorist attack by
Cobra. The President had this to say...

PRESIDENT (on TV)
For the sake of my country, I can only
cooperate with Cobra until G.I. Joe
has found these missiles. G.I. Joe is
working around the clock trying to find
them, and will remain doing so until
they are found. I just ask that the
rest of the government will do as I
ask and not try to attack Cobra on their
own and provoke anymore ransom demands
or retaliation from Cobra.

REPORTER (on TV)
The President has made it clear that
G.I. Joe will not be coming home until
these weapons are found. One can only
hope that we can be safe without G.I.
Joe, and that our country will not fall
apart before it’s too late.

Linda shuts off the TV.

LINDA
This is just awful! We have to leave
the country now, Terry. I can’t let
my kids be in any kind of danger.

BROOKE
You know dad, mom’s right. The
country is totally unsafe right now
without G.I. Joe here. I’m about due
for a vacation anyway.

NICK
I’m with you guys. That Serpentor
creeps me out just by the sound of his
voice. There’s no way I’m going to
sit here and wait for him to get us.

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
Running away is not the answer. I’m
willing to fight for what’s right, and
we can’t let Cobra get away with
terrorizing us like this.

LINDA
But there’s nothing that we can do!
G.I. Joe isn’t even here to protect
us right now.
58.

Hollywood Hendrix stands up.

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
Linda, you know what? Go ahead and
take the kids wherever you want to go.
Take my credit cards with you and stay
for as long as you want. I’m going to
stay behind and try to figure out
what’s going on around here, because
something isn’t right, and I’m going
to find out what it is.

BROOKE
But dad, we’ll be worried about you
if you don’t come with us.

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
I’ll be fine, Brooke. But what I need
to know is, will America be fine?

Linda, Nick, and Brooke all get up and hug Hollywood at the same time.

BROOKE
Dad, please be okay.

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
I will. And America will be just fine
when you come back, too.

EXT./INT. WHITE HOUSE - NIGHT

A red, white, and blue jet flies past the White House. A shadowed figure is prowling around the building. The shadowed figure peaks around the front of the building, and doesn’t see anyone. He runs to the front of the building and looks up and sees a light on.

We can now start to see MR. AMERICA’s costume, but it’s still partially shadowed. He takes a rope and throws it up onto the top of the building. He climbs to the window, where he sees Zartan and Baroness without their masks on.

INSIDE WHITE HOUSE

ZARTAN
It’s all been taken care of, Baroness.
Tomorrow Cobra strikes G.I. Joe when
they’re most vulnerable, and this
country will be all ours.

59.

BARONESS
This has to have been Serpentor’s
most brilliant plan ever. Not even
I would’ve suspected that our
President could’ve been this dumb.

ZARTAN
Fortunately for us he was, and we’ll
never have to worry about him making
anymore foolish decisions as long as
we’re in office. Now the only
decisions being made around here are
going to be the ones that benefit Cobra.

Mr. America crashes through the window.

MR. AMERICA
Cobra’s never going to run this country,
as long as Mr. America’s here!

BARONESS
Mr. America? What is this, some sort
of joke?!

MR. AMERICA
The only joke I see, SISTER, is you
guys! I’m here to fight for truth,
justice, and liberty for all and fix
what’s wrong with this country. And
right now you’re what’s wrong with it.

ZARTAN
No one’s taking my term away from me!

Zartan picks up a wooden chair and breaks it over Mr. America. Mr. America makes his “face” and then picks up Zartan and throws him through a wall.

BARONESS (on handset)
Cobra Commander, get in here, we
need you, NOW!

Mr. America is slowly walking towards Baroness. Cobra Commander flies in on his jet pack and grabs Mr. America very quickly and flies back outside.

OUTSIDE WHITE HOUSE

Cobra Commander throws Mr. America into a very thick branch of a tree and breaks it. Both Mr. America and the branch fall to the ground. Mr. America picks up the branch and Cobra Commander lands.

60.

MR. AMERICA
You just made a big mistake there,
brother! Perhaps you’d like to taste
a branch from one of Mr. America’s
twenty-four inch patriots!

Mr. America runs up to Cobra Commander and breaks the tree branch over him, but doesn’t even budge him.

MR. AMERICA
What are you made out of, solid steel?!

COBRA COMMANDER
Correct. My bullet proof suit can
withstand a direct hit from a machine
gun, which means your twenty-four inch
patriots are no match for Cobra
Commander.

MR. AMERICA
Cobra Commander? Shouldn’t you be a
snake?

COBRA COMMANDER
When I’m done with you, Mr. America,
you’re going to wish that I WAS a snake!

Cobra Commander starts firing his gun at him, and Mr. America takes off running.

COBRA COMMANDER
Where did he go?

Cobra Commander looks around. Mr. America comes out of nowhere and jump kicks him to the ground. Mr. America tries to take off his helmet.

MR. AMERICA
Let’s see how tough your face is when
I’m punching it without your helmet on.

His helmet causes an explosion that sends Mr. America flying. Cobra Commander’s helmet is still intact and he walks towards Mr. America who is lying on the ground and points his gun at him.

COBRA COMMANDER
Fool, don’t you realize I’m invincible?
I don’t know who you are or who
you’re working for, but your contract
is about to expire.

MR. AMERICA
Not as long as my arms still know
how to wave the flag!
61.

Mr. America jumps up and tackles him to the ground. As Mr. America is still holding onto him, Cobra Commander starts to fly straight up.

MR. AMERICA
I’m not going to let you Cobra’s
run this country of America into
the ground.

COBRA COMMANDER
Well that’s where you’re going to be
going, Mr. America. Go to sleep!

While in the air and with Mr. America holding onto him, Cobra Commander uses CM Punk’s GTS finishing move on Mr. America and Mr. America falls to the ground.

MR. AMERICA
(on ground)
Wait a second.

A group of agents run out from the White House carrying guns.

AGENT
Stop, you’re under arrest!

COBRA COMMANDER
Another day, shall we?

Cobra Commander flies off on his jet pack.

MR. AMERICA
Count on it, metal head.

Mr. America runs off in the opposite direction.

INT. VINCE MCMAHON’S OFFICE - DAY

Falcon and Jinx follow Vince into his office. Vince sits down.

VINCE
Thanks again for coming on such short
notice. I wanted to thank you guys
again for helping my wrestlers when
Cobra ended up at the show the other
night.

FALCON
It was no problem really. But it
seems like you’re the one having the
all the problems now.

62.

VINCE
Indeed. A lot of the fans are scared
off because of what happened the other
night and they don’t want to come back.
Either that, or they can’t afford to
because of the state the economy’s in.
And on top of that, I still haven’t
heard from the three wrestlers who were
kidnapped by Cobra. I’m very worried
that something has happened to them and
they’re not coming back.

JINX
We understand, Vince. We’re pursuing
all leads and we’re looking for them
each and every day. I’m sure they’re
alive and we will find them eventually.

FALCON
Yeah, I’m sure they’re okay.

VINCE
It just seems like my entire business
is falling apart with the rest of the
world. Last night, my top draw,
Hollywood Hendrix, didn’t even show up
and I can’t get a hold of him. I’m
starting to fear that Cobra might’ve
kidnapped him, too.

FALCON
We’ll get right on it, sir. We’re
going to find your men and have them
back before you can say draw.

Vince stands up and shakes hands with Falcon and Jinx.

VINCE
Thanks, Falcon. I knew I could count
on you guys to help.

Falcon and Jinx exit the office into

THE HALLWAY

and see Hollywood Hendrix in his street clothes walking towards them.

FALCON
Hey, Hollywood! Vince is in his
office and he’s looking for you.

Hollywood walks up to them and talks softly.

63.

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
Listen guys, we have a problem.
And I mean a big problem.

FALCON
What, what is it?

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
I found out last night that Cobra
kidnapped the President and his wife
and I don’t even know if they’re alive
right now. Cobra’s in control of the
White House and that’s why they’ve been
giving into Serpentor’s demands.

JINX
Oh my God.

FALCON
Well I guess that would help explain
things.

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
I overheard them saying that they’re
planning to attack G.I. Joe today.
Our guys are going to be defenseless
unless we’re there to help them.
We have to stop Cobra, and I’m going
to help you.

JINX
How?

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
Don’t worry about that right now.
You guys need to get to headquarters
and warn the rest of the Joes. I’ll
go check out the U.S.S. Flagg and make
sure the rest of our guys are all right.
But first I’ve got to go tell Vince I
need the rest of the day off.

FALCON
Let’s go, Jinx, our country needs us!

Falcon and Jinx run off and yell, “Yo Joe!” Vince yells from his office.

VINCE (O.S.)
Yo, Hollywood Hendrix!

HOLLYWOOD HENDRIX
(to himself)
Yo, Mr. America.

64.

EXT. U.S.S. FLAGG - DAY

The Marine is standing on the deck with about fifty other marines standing in front of him. They are lined up in rows of ten, wearing their MARPAT utility uniforms and holding machine guns. There are three Tomahawks and three Conquest X-30’s on the deck.

THE MARINE
My name is Sgt. Cena, but you may call
me by my G.I. Joe code name, The
Marine. As you all know, G.I. Joe is
all over the world right now fighting
for our freedom and searching for Cobra
missiles that could possibly be used
against our country. As of right now,
we are this country’s last line of
defense should we be attacked by Cobra.
The time is now for you guys to get
tough and be ready for Cobra. Let’s
see what you got.

The Marines run down the deck, and push up their guns in the air with both of their hands when they yell, “Yo Joe!”

MARINES
Got to get tough, Yo Joe! Got to get
tough, Yo Joe!

They all make the guitar sound that followed “Got to get tough, Yo Joe!” from the closing credits of the DIC series.

MARINES
Got to get tough, Yo Joe! Got to get
tough, Yo Joe! Nobody beats G.I. Joe,
a Real American Hero!

They all raise their guns in the air. Heading directly in the direction that the marines are facing comes Serpentor on his Air Chariot and several Cobra jets firing at them.

THE MARINE
Cobraaa!

SERPENTOR
Cobraaa!

The Marine and the marines run for cover in the opposite direction towards the Tomahawks and Conquest X-30’s.

THE MARINE
Board the Tomahawks and the X-30’s!
This is the real thing, guys!

65.

As The Marine and the other marines run towards the Tomahawks and Conquest X-30’s, a plane lands coming in the opposite direction than Cobra came. The plane door opens up, and several Battle Android Troopers exit.

SERPENTOR
(on Air Chariot)
B.A.T.S.! Stop them before they can
escape!

THE MARINE
It’s a Cobra shooting gallery guys,
don’t hold back.

The Marine and the marines are shooting the B.A.T.S. and destroying them.

SERPENTOR
(on Air Chariot)
Bring out the rest of the B.A.T.S.!

More Battle Android Troopers exit the plane.

THE MARINE
You’re really tough when you’re giving
orders from the air, Serpentor.

The Marine shoots Serpentor down off of his Air Chariot. One of the marines catches Serpentor and throws him to another marine, who throws Serpentor to The Marine. The Marine F-Us Serpentor into a group of B.A.T.S. who all fall down. Serpentor gets up.

SERPENTOR
Get him at once! This I command!

Destro, Dr. Mindbender, Xamot, and Tomax surround The Marine and the other marines with guns.

DESTRO
Drop your weapons! We have you
outnumbered.

THE MARINE
The marines never surrender to
terrorism.

Rowdy Roddy Piper comes out of the plane escorting the President with his hands tied behind his back, and Big Boa escorting the First Lady with her hands tied behind her back.

RODDY PIPER
Even if it means costing your President
his life?
66.

THE MARINE
I don’t believe it. I knew that you
guys would sell out eventually, but
I never thought that you’d stoop as
low as joining Cobra to plan your
retirement.

RODDY PIPER
Well, believe it Marine. How’s
anyone ever supposed to get ahead in
the company with you and Mr.
Hollywood always hogging the limelight.
I have a family to think about.

THE MARINE
And this is how you want to support
your family, by betraying your country?

PRESIDENT
Do as Cobra says. This is your
President speaking.

THE MARINE
Marines, you heard the President.

The Marine and the marines drop their guns.

SERPENTOR
Take the marines and the President
away at once! This I command!

RODDY PIPER
And if there’s any type of heroics,
the President and his wife go for a
swim.

PRESIDENT
No heroics, just do as they say.

DR. MINDBENDER
Finally, the President is starting to
wise up.

The marines, President, and First Lady are being led underneath the U.S.S. Flagg into a

JAIL CELL

with their hands behind their heads by the Battle Android Troopers. They are all put into a large room and the bars come down from the ceiling.

Destro places a ticking time bomb for sixty minutes outside the cell with Serpentor and Dr. Mindbender standing next to him.
67.

DESTRO
Consider this bomb to be the countdown
to when Cobra rules the world. It’s
too bad though that none of you will
be around to enjoy it with us.

DR. MINDBENDER
That is almost certain, as I’ve
reprogrammed these reinforced bars
so they can never be opened again.

PRESIDENT
Even if you manage to eliminate us,
Serpentor, you’ll never eliminate
G.I. Joe for good.

SERPENTOR
On the contrary. With Cobra in
control of the White House, G.I. Joe
will never return. Just like you will
never return to see the light of day
again, Mr. President.

DR. MINDBENDER
Come, Serpentor. We still have to
take care of Joe Headquarters before
we can celebrate. And since there are
no Joes there to stop us from
destroying it, it should be easier than
it was kidnapping the President right
in front of his own home.

Serpentor, Dr. Mindbender, and Destro laugh and exit scene. Most of the B.A.T.S. leave with them but two stay and stand and guard the cell.

THE MARINE
Come on, try and help me kick this
cell door down.

The Marine and another marines try kicking the cell and stop.

MARINE 1
It’s no use. G.I. Joe reinforced this
cell so no one would ever be able to
escape.

PRESIDENT
This is all my fault. I’m so sorry.
If I hadn’t sent G.I. Joe out of the
country to search for something that
probably doesn’t exist, none of this
would’ve happened.

68.

THE MARINE
Can I ask you a question, Mr. President?

PRESIDENT
What?

THE MARINE
Do you believe in God?

PRESIDENT
Why of course.

THE MARINE
Then start saying your prayers because
we need a miracle here.

ON THE DECK

Ten B.A.T.S. are standing guard with their guns. Mr. America’s jet flies into scene and starts firing at them.

MR. AMERICA
Yo America!

Mr. America’s jet lands and he gets out. He takes off his belt and starts destroying the Battle Android Troopers with it and punching and kicking them.

MR. AMERICA
You guys have messed with the wrong
country!

JAIL CELL

THE MARINE
I think I hear something up top.

ON THE DECK

Mr. America is fighting the B.A.T.S.

JAIL CELL

THE MARINE
Everybody, start yelling as loud as
you can. I think the President’s
prayers might’ve just come true.

ON THE DECK

Mr. America is fighting the B.A.T.S. He hears cries of “Help!, Help!, Help!” coming from the jail cell. Mr. America defeats the last B.A.T. and hears the cries again.

69.

MR. AMERICA
No need to fear, Mr. America is
here fighting to save the day!

Mr. America starts to run down the deck. He gets shot at and stops and looks in the sky.

COBRA COMMANDER
I had a feeling that we would meet
again, Mr. America. Only this time
it will be the last.

Cobra Commander flies into scene on his jet pack and starts firing at Mr. America as he runs away. Mr. America stops and takes off his belt and loops it onto Cobra Commander’s foot as he flies over him.

MR. AMERICA
Sorry, brother, but you’re grounded.

Mr. America lifts his legs up and starts kicking Cobra Commander in the face and stomach. They both come crashing down on the deck. Mr. America does the leg drop on him, and picks him up and body slams him over the edge and into the water.

MR. AMERICA
Let me know how the water is when
I get back, dude! Yo Joe!

Mr. America runs down to the cell.

JAIL CELL

THE MARINE
Watch out for the B.A.T.S.!

The B.A.T.S. are shooting at Mr. America. He dodges the shots and jump kicks one of the B.A.T.S. into the other.

PRESIDENT
The bomb, it’s ready to go off!

The bomb is ticking with thirty seconds left. Mr. America grabs it off of the wall.

MR. AMERICA
Correction, it’s ready to go out.

Mr. America runs out of scene with the bomb.

ON THE DECK

Cobra Commander flies out of the water and hovers over the U.S.S. Flagg with his gun pointed at Mr. America.
70.

COBRA COMMANDER
That wasn’t very nice, Mr. America.
Now it’s my turn. Say goodnight!

Mr. America looks at the bomb in his hand with five seconds left.

MR. AMERICA
Goodnight!

He throws it at Cobra Commander. It explodes on contact and Cobra Commander comes crashing down on the deck and his jet pack falls off.

COBRA COMMANDER
(in air)
Ahhhhhh!

Mr. America runs up to Cobra Commander as he’s lying down.

MR. AMERICA
Judging by this armor you wear, the
bomb was probably just enough to
knock you off your feet and not
much more. Are you all right?

COBRA COMMANDER
Go to hell, Mr. America!

Cobra Commander grabs him and they struggle on the ground and roll over a couple of times. Cobra Commander tries to take off Mr. America’s mask.

COBRA COMMANDER
Let’s see who you are behind the mask.

MR. AMERICA
I’d rather see who you are.

As they’re struggling, Mr. America pulls off Cobra Commander’s helmet.

MR. AMERICA
CM Punk?!

Cobra Commander grabs his helmet back and kicks Mr. America off of him. Cobra Commander puts his helmet back on and grabs his jet pack and puts it back on.

COBRA COMMANDER
Sorry, but I’ve got to fly. But we’ll
meet again, and I guarantee that when
we do, I will unmask you as well.
Cobraaa!

71.

Cobra Commander flies off as Mr. America watches him.

MR. AMERICA
Wrestlers in G.I. Joe and Cobra?
What is this world coming to?

Mr. America runs down the deck.

JAIL CELL

PRESIDENT
Thank you, whoever you are.

MR. AMERICA
The name’s Mr. America. And now we
need to get you guys out of there
so you can help me stop Cobra once
and for all.

THE MARINE
Cobra locked the bars for good.
They can’t be opened without breaking
them, which is nearly impossible.

MR. AMERICA
I guess you guys then have never seen
a pair of twenty-four inch patriots
in action.

Mr. America pulls the bars out all at once.

THE MARINE
I guess The Marine was wrong. Don’t
I know you from somewhere? Maybe from
the gym.

MR. AMERICA
Only if the gym is in Venice.

PRESIDENT
I must get back to the White House
immediately! Zartan and Baroness
could still be masquerading as my
wife and I.

MR. AMERICA
Mr. President, I don’t want you going
anywhere near the White House until
we know for sure that it’s safe. I
want you to stay here and let Mr.
America and the marines take care of
Cobra for you.

72.

THE MARINE
He’s right, Mr. President. Let us
take care of Cobra and we’ll send for
someone to come and pick you up while
the marines deal with Cobra.

PRESIDENT
Very well then. Yo Joe.

Mr. America and all of the marines raise their right arms and yell, “Yo Joe!”

ON THE DECK

Mr. America boards his jet. Everyone else boards the Tomahawks and Conquest X-30s and takes off.

EXT./INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - DAY

Sgt. Slaughter is outside fixing his Triple T Tank. Falcon and Jinx fly into scene in a Conquest X-30 and land near Sgt. Slaughter. They exit the plane and run to Sgt. Slaughter.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Falcon - Jinx, any word yet on the
missing wrestlers? I just spoke to
Vince and he said that he still
hasn’t seen them.

FALCON
No, Sgt. Slaughter, but we have bigger
problems to worry about right now.
Where’s Duke at?

SGT. SLAUGHTER
He’s inside. Why?

FALCON
Come on, Jinx!

Falcon and Jinx run towards headquarters.

INSIDE JOE HEADQUARTERS

Falcon, Jinx, Duke, and Sgt. Slaughter are standing by the monitor.

FALCON
We got to act fast, Duke. Cobra
can be here at any minute.

73.

DUKE
I knew that this was all just a
scheme by Cobra to send the Joes on
a wild goose chase. I’ve got to
contact General Hawk right now and
get the Joes back here before Cobra
attacks us.

Duke contacts General Hawk on the monitor.

DUKE
General Hawk, the Joes must come back
at once. Cobra’s here and we could be
attacked at any minute.

GENERAL HAWK (on monitor)
We would be going against the
President’s orders by returning right
now, Duke. Can you confirm Cobra’s
location to me?

DUKE
That’s just it, General. The
President’s really...

The monitor gets blasted from the outside and the transmission is cut off. Outside of Joe Headquarters we hear a yell of “Cobraa!”

SGT. SLAUGHTER
I think we just confirmed Cobra’s
location for General Hawk.
Hopefully he got the message.

JINX
There’s only four of us. What are
we going to do?!

DUKE
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m
not going down without a fight.

Duke puts on his jet pack and grabs his cannon.

FALCON
Duke’s right. I’m going to go out
there and fight for what’s right,
whether there’s four hundred Joes
or only four Joes on our side.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Now that’s the spirit! Yo Joe!

Sgt. Slaughter starts to run outside and Duke, Falcon, and Jinx follow him and yell, “Yo Joe!”
74.

OUTSIDE JOE HEADQUARTERS

Several B.A.T.S. are tearing down Joe Headquarters with their fists. Duke shoots them all down with his cannon.

DUKE
Yo Joe!

Cobra Raven jets are attacking Joe Headquarters from the air and Cobra Vipers attacking from the ground. Sgt. Slaughter runs to his Triple T Tank and starts driving and shooting at the Cobra Vipers.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Yo Joe!

Duke is shooting his cannon at the Cobra Ravens in the air.

FALCON
Duke, cover us while we make a run for
the Conquest X-30!

DUKE
You got it, Falcon!

Falcon and Jinx run towards the Conquest X-30. Tomax and Xamot are each flying in a Cobra Raven and shooting and heading towards Falcon and Jinx.

TOMAX
Let’s get the Joes...

XAMOT
Before they can get us.

Duke is flying in the air on his jet pack and shoots down both Tomax and Xamot’s jet. They escape in their parachutes and Falcon and Jinx get in the Conquest X-30 and take off. Serpentor is flying on his Air Chariot and points to the Conquest X-30.

SERPENTOR
Stop that Conquest jetfighter.
This I command!

DUKE
(in air)
Serpentor!

Duke shoots Serpentor’s Air Chariot with his cannon and Serpentor falls to the ground. Sgt. Slaughter is driving his Triple T Tank and shooting at the Dreadnoks on their motorcycles. Once their motorcycles are destroyed, the Triple T Tank chases down Roddy Piper and Big Boa on foot.

75.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Stop running away you traitors.
It’s payback time.

RODDY PIPER
(running)
You’re real tough Slaughter when you’re
riding in a tank and we’re running!

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Then I guess I’ll just have to step out.

Sgt. Slaughter jumps out as the Triple T Tank keeps rolling and tackles Piper and Boa at the same time. Serpentor stands up after falling down.

SERPENTOR
Who dares to fire on Serpentor and
run?! Show yourself, NOW!

Duke flies past Serpentor and punches him in the face and Serpentor falls down again.

DUKE
(flying past)
Remember Duke?! You nearly killed him!

Serpentor gets up.

SERPENTOR
Oh, yes, now I remember.

Serpentor takes the snake from around his neck and turns it into a staff.

SERPENTOR
I guess I’ll just have to make sure
I get the job done this time.

Duke flies at Serpentor again and Serpentor throws his staff at Duke and knocks his cannon out of his hands. Serpentor grabs Duke as he flies over him and they punch each other while flying in the air. Falcon and Jinx notice what’s going on while flying in the Conquest X-30.

JINX
Falcon, look! Duke is fighting
Serpentor in mid-air!

FALCON
We have to help him!

JINX
How?!

76.

Serpentor and Duke continue fighting each other in the air.
Serpentor is grabbing at his jet pack. Duke sees the Conquest X-30 heading towards him. Serpentor grabs Duke’s jet pack and Duke sets it to go at lightning speed and Duke jumps onto the Conquest X-30 as it flies by him.

DUKE
Yo Joe!

Serpentor holds onto the jet pack and goes crashing into Joe Headquarters. Piper, Big Boa, Tomax, and Xamot are all fighting Sgt. Slaughter and winning. Serpentor gets up after crashing into Joe Headquarters.

SERPENTOR
I want that G.I. Joe jet taken out
of the skies at once. This I command!

Destro and Dr. Mindbender start shooting at the X-30 from the ground.

JINX
We’re hit! We have to eject!

Falcon, Jinx, and Duke all parachute down as the Conquest X-30 crashes.

SERPENTOR
Surround them at once! This I command!

Destro, Dr. Mindbender, and several B.A.T.S. and Cobra Vipers surround them as they land. Piper and Big Boa continue beating up Sgt. Slaughter, and Tomax and Xamot point their guns at him.

TOMAX
No more use fighting Slaughter...

XAMOT
Because Cobra has won and...

XAMOT AND TOMAX
(simultaneously)
G.I. Joe has lost.

SERPENTOR
Mark this day as the day that Cobra
has finally beaten G.I. Joe once and
for all. This I command!

Sgt. Slaughter is still surrounded by Tomax, Xamot, Piper, and Big Boa.

77.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Don’t count on it yet, fang face.
Our guys will be back here before
you know it, and when they do, you’ll
regret the day you were created.

Serpentor walks over to Sgt. Slaughter and back slaps him across the face.

SERPENTOR
Never! It’s over and Cobra has won!

Mr. America’s jet approaches from the air, along with several Tomahawks and Conquest X-30’s.

DR. MINDBENDER
Serpentor, G.I. Joe is back!

SERPENTOR
What?

Mr. America’s jet and all the other G.I. Joe vehicles start firing at Cobra from the air. The Cobras on the ground take off running. Duke, Falcon, and Jinx take off running in the opposite direction.

MR. AMERICA
Yo America!

SERPENTOR
Stop the Joe reinforcements before they
can turn the tide. This I command!

Destro and Dr. Mindbender run and each board a Cobra Raven and take off. Tomax, Xamot, Piper, and Boa are shooting at the Joes in the air. Sgt. Slaughter picks up Piper, and throws him into all of the others. Duke, Falcon, and Jinx are running.

FALCON
I don’t understand how General Hawk
could’ve returned so fast.

A Tomahawk lands and several marines exit in their MARPAT uniforms with guns. All the marines yell, “Yo Joe!”

DUKE
That’s because it’s the marines!

The marines start shooting at several B.A.T.S. Sgt. Slaughter is still fighting Tomax, Xamot, Piper, and Big Boa.

JINX
Duke, Sgt. Slaughter needs our help!
78.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
You’ve never wanted to fight me one
on one, have you Piper?!

RODDY PIPER
No, because every time it’s one on
one you win!

Jinx jump kicks Big Boa, and Duke and Falcon punch out Tomax and Xamot at the same time. Sgt. Slaughter punches out Piper.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
Exactly.

The Marine is flying in a Conquest X-30 and firing at Cobra Ravens and causing them to eject and parachute down.

THE MARINE
Yo Joe! Nobody beats G.I. Joe, a
Real American Hero!

The Marine shoots down both Destro and Dr. Mindbender’s Cobra Ravens and they eject and parachute down. Serpentor is standing on the ground watching all the action.

SERPENTOR
We’re losing our advantage!

Mr. America’s jet flies down near Serpentor and starts firing at him.

SERPENTOR
Nobody assaults Serpentor and lives
to tell about it. This I command!

Serpentor jumps on his Air Chariot and chases after Mr. America’s jet in the sky. Duke, Falcon, Jinx, and Sgt. Slaughter look in the sky and see Serpentor firing at Mr. America’s jet from behind.

FALCON
Who’s flying that jet? I’ve never
seen it before.

SERPENTOR
Come down you coward! Face me like a
man. This I command!

MR. AMERICA
Serpentor, if you want to fight Mr.
America, then you got it, BROTHER!

79.

Mr. America lands his jet and gets out and Serpentor lands his Air Chariot and gets off. Everyone watches.

SERPENTOR
Who dares to challenge Serpentor?

MR. AMERICA
The name’s Mr. America, and I’m here
to defend this great country of
America from Cobra.

SERPENTOR
Then prepare to face Serpentor, the
most powerful Cobra of them all.
This I command!

MR. AMERICA
I’ve beaten giants, I’ve beaten
warriors, and I’ve even beat men
from the dead. What makes you think
that I can’t beat an overgrown Cobra,
too, dude!

Mr. America rips off his shirt and does Hulk Hogan’s usual Incredible Hulk poses from after a match.

MR. AMERICA
(while posing)
Bring it on, Serpentor!

Serpentor gets on his Air Chariot and takes off.

SERPENTOR
Another day, Mr. America. But Serpentor
will not forget this day I promise you.
This I command!

DR. MINDBENDER
Serpentor, don’t leave us!

TOMAX
What a coward...

XAMOT
Serpentor is.

DESTRO
It’s true, Dr. Mindbender. We failed
to make the perfect Cobra leader.

DR. MINDBENDER
This is all your fault, Sgt. Slaughter!
If you hadn’t had destroyed Sun-Tzu’s
DNA and your own, Serpentor would’ve
been perfect and we would’ve won today.
80.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
I know, Mindbender, and I’m damn
proud of it.

The Marine and the marines raise their guns to Cobra.

THE MARINE
It’s over Cobra. Thanks to Mr.
America and the marines, you guys are
going to be locked up where you belong.

The Marine looks at Roddy Piper and Big Boa.

THE MARINE
And I wouldn’t count on ever seeing
you guys wrestle again, unless it’s
from a prison cell.

SGT. SLAUGHTER
If you’re lucky, maybe you’ll get a
TV in your cell to watch The Marine
and I on Monday nights.

The Marine walks over to Mr. America and shakes his hand.

THE MARINE
I guess thanks to you we won. I
don’t know who you are, or why you
helped us, but you’re a true Real
American Hero, Mr. America.

Mr. America salutes The Marine and he salutes him back.

MR. AMERICA
Anything I can ever do to help my
country I will. But right now I’ve
got to get back to Washington to
finish some business. Yo Joe!

Mr. America runs to his jet as everyone else yells, “Yo Joe!” Mr. America’s jet takes off.

THE MARINE
Why does it seem like I know that guy?

SGT. SLAUGHTER
I know. The voice, the mustache, the
arms... it all seems so familiar.

FALCON
(to Jinx)
You know, Hollywood Hendrix said he
was going to be here to help us but
he never showed up. I wonder why?

81.

Falcon looks at Jinx and The Marine looks at Sgt. Slaughter. They all shake their heads and say “No.”

EXT. WHITE HOUSE - DAY

Zartan and Baroness, disguised as the President and First Lady, are being led to Mr. America’s jet by four marines in their blue dress uniforms.

PRESIDENT
It’s about damn time my jet got here.
How long do you expect Serpentor to
wait on us before he demands more
money from the United States? I was
supposed to meet him an hour ago.

They reach the jet.

FIRST LADY
Wait a second. This is not our jet,
and where is our secret service agents?

The jet door opens. General Hawk, Beachhead, Flint, and Lady Jaye are standing there.

HAWK
Right here, Zartan... and the Baroness.

FIRST LADY
G.I. Joe!

Two of the marines push them into

MR. AMERICA’S JET

and the door closes. Hawk and Beachhead take off the masks of Zartan and Baroness.

BEACHHEAD
Halloween’s over, Cobra. G.I.
Joe’s back.

FLINT
And we’re not going anywhere ever
again, as long as Cobra still exists.

LADY JAYE
And the only place you guys are going
is a maximum security prison, where
you’ll spend the rest of your lives.

82.

HAWK
And you might just be spared the death
penalty for your little scheme if you
agree to return two hundred million
dollars back to the United States
where it belongs.

OUTSIDE WHITE HOUSE

Mr. America’s jet takes off, and Mr. America salutes the marines as he flies off and they salute him back.

EXT. U.S.S. FLAGG - DAY

The President is addressing the entire G.I. Joe team standing in front of him. The Marine and the marines are standing off to the left of him, with the The Marine holding up the American flag. Mr. America is standing to the left of the President, with Hillary and Barack behind the President.

PRESIDENT
I can not thank G.I. Joe enough for
their contributions to this country.
Due to my bad judgment, this great
country nearly lost everything it had
because of a single decision I made.
I am far from being a perfect President,
but I grow and learn each day from my
mistakes. Thanks to Mr. America and
the marines, Cobra is now incarcerated
and all extorted money has been
returned to the United States. I
promise to never make the same mistake
again, and to always consult with G.I.
Joe before making any military decisions.
Now, I would like to present Mr. America
with the American flag in a show of my appreciation for his heroic acts.

The Marine walks up to Mr. America and hands him the American flag. They salute each other and The Marine walks away. Mr. America holds up the American flag and salutes to the blue sky. Everybody else yells, “Yo Joe!” Cobra Commander flies into the camera and yells, “Cobraaa!”, and shoots his gun into the screen.

FADE OUT.

THE END

G.I. Joe + WWE = Money in the Bank

Sunday, October 12, 2008

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